Cinema's greatest achievement

Creatures of the Abyss (1994, Al Passeri)



On of normal day if someone were to ask me what is the greatest film I've ever seen i would say either Citizen Kane, Aguirre The Wrath of God or City Lights. On a great day i would say Shark Attack 3: Megalodon. I will no longer say that Shark Attack 3 is the greatest film I've ever seen. Not even that masterpiece of cinema can amount to Creatures of the Abyss.

This is hands down the greatest film ever made. I honestly could not believe what i was watching throughout this whole film. A group of people in their early 20's go on a boat in the middle of the ocean late at night for no apparent reason and end up running out of gas. They find a dead body in the ocean, get scared and decide to go on an abandoned ship that is filled with all kinds of weird shit. The ship seems to have a retarded version of "HAL" from 2001: a space odyssey that has the most stupidest voice ever. A scientist that looks exactly like Albert Einstein but always foaming at the mouth that swears to one of the characters that he will find more pussy. Last but not least we get to tell which of the characters is the total dumbass in the first 5 minutes of the film...he gets trapped in a net.

Yes, I absolutely loved this film. Everything is just amazing and you seriously won't believe one thing that your watching. Money was actually spent on this and i am glad it was because i will be watching this film over and over again. Cinema's most greatest achievement.

Grade MASTERPIECE

I would also like to add that this was the film that made me decide to write another entry in my blog. I've been watching films but i wasn't inspired to write anything. So whoever reads this can thank Creatures of the Abyss. A thanks that is well deserved on so many levels.

Now for Pictures of this MASTERPIECE.





If you liked the video i posted earlier with the fish jumping out of the water and hitting a guy in the nuts then you will love this film. Tons of fishes jumping and hitting people. Amazing.

Well...Um...

Cashback (2006, Sean Ellis)



Cashback is a little short film that got an academy award nomination. The director then decided to turn his little short into a feature. With a very promising visual style that seems to be done by everyone these days gives it a pretty look but yet the project falls within the characters.

The film is about an art student who breaks up with a girl. The art student can also stop time so he can undress girls and watch them. Yes, the same exact idea that magneto had for the Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant show "Extras". Now here is the kicker, this film takes it seriously. A voice over goes throughout the film that is suppose to sound very meaningful and artistic but yet just sounds like a pervert stopping time to check out chicks naked.

Sean Ellis fills his film with characters that really don't belong in the same universe as the main character. He gives his main character two co workers that seem straight out of a teen comedy and another third member that thinks he's a ninja. Yeah, this film is everywhere. It really is a mess of a film that tries to depend on a voice over narration to give it depth. I don't want to say it but this is one of the few films where you can see the director actually trying really hard to make something brilliant out of a stupid idea.

Cashback could have been something good if pulled off just right. It just goes to show you what a director thinks he can do when he gets a nomination for his short film. I really wouldn't talk so much shit about this film but it really did piss me off. Sean Ellis obviously copies Gondry in sequences that don't really need a "Gondry touch" to them. While Michel Gondry uses his crazy in camera tricks to push the story along, Ellis uses them for eye candy not eye protein.

Grade C-

I don't need to explain myself.

QUICK WRITE UPS!

I haven't been posting anything on this blog here because I've been way to fucken lazy. I'm sorry to anyone that reads this blog, if ofcourse anyone does. Well for your entertainment I'll leave you with some quick write ups of the films I've watched. I won't be going into detail because I'm still in the lazy mode and i have some other writing to do. Well here they are.


Volver (2006)

Pedro Almodóvar gives us a chilling, comedic and all around amazing film. We get characters thrown into problematic events that where as in any other movie we would focus all our attention on. Yet with Almodóvar's eye for story telling we get something completely fresh. We get the realistic side, we don't get the hollywood film. Loved every second of it, amazing writing, great direction. Just loved this film.

Grade A+



The Number 23 (2007)

A film that i was looking forward to in its preproduction stage. Jim Carrey playing a guy who is insane in a horror/thriller film. This sounded amazing. Sadly, the film is pretty much just stupid. We get a great fun Jim Carrey that makes the film watchable but with its weak script it all falls apart. The thing that leaves me a bit confused is that the film itself seems to know how stupid it is.

(So many people trying to commit suicide by jumping off buildings and Oh that darn dog!)

Grade C


Renaissance (2006)

Man...What the fuck? The story is cool, the acting is fine but the thing that i thought i wouldn't complain about is my biggest problem. The look of the film isn't bad, it's annoying. When i first saw the poster and the trailers it looked amazing. My problem is that you can't really set apart which character is who. Everyone looks the same, everything is way too dark or just too bright. It does take away from the film because it's trying to be stylish and give off a noir type of film but it just doesn't come across and you're just wanting to turn on a light bulb.

"It's like, how much more black could this be? and the answer is none. None more black."-This is Spinal Tap

Grade C-

Holy Shit!

The Hellbenders (1967, Sergio Corbucci)


This isn't your normal Eastwood western, this is entirely something different. The director Sergio Corbucci was the man who brought "Django" to life. I haven't seen Django but after seeing this film I'm sure to watch it very soon. Don't go into this film thinking that your going to get a stylized beautiful film. This is as dirty as they come, which in a way gives it its own style.

We get a band of brothers out with their Father who massacre an army convoy to retrieve money so they can invade the north. Have you ever seen a cowboy film where they throw grenades at soldiers? Go get this film now! That is literally in the first 10 minutes of the film. An all out battle between 6 guys against a small army. The film has so many little cool twist and turns that fit just perfect. These guys think they got it made but the film itself is just trying to stop them. These guys are ruthless, they actually lie to people saying that their dead brother is in the casket. That's pretty fucked up if you ask me.

The film goes everywhere from there, we have a great shoot out between the brothers and the Mexican outlaws and also a face off between them and those gosh darn Indians. These shoot out scenes are filmed so simple with wide shots to let the viewer choose to pick out which fight he wants to see. The reason for this is because the star of the film isn't really revealed until the end. All these guys are bad guys and we are left with them. It's not like the Eastwood films where he's an Anti-hero. These guy's aren't Anti-hero's, just bad mother fuckers.

The Hellbenders does one thing that takes itself completely out of the western genre and actually out of any genre. The Mexican stand off is in nearly every western but we always see it play out the same way. He get them standing around each other, take a long pause and then shoot. This film basically says Fuck that and they shoot. This is a film that doesn't know it's a film. It's completely unaware of itself and that's the reason why i loved this film so much. It's amazing fun with great storytelling and the actors are great. Everything is perfect.

Grade A+

The Astronaut Farmer

The Astronaut Farmer (Michael Polish,2006)

I've been waiting for this film for a while now. Billy Bob Thornton as a farmer that wants to go into space? I'm there. This film being made by The polish brothers who i haven't seen any of their work until this film left me a bit excited. I've heard some great stuff about these guys especially with their film "Twin Falls Idaho". So ofcourse, i was ready to be taken into their world of filmmaking.

Charles Farmer (Billy Bob Thornton) is your everyday type of guy, you know the ones that have spaceships in their barns. The film starts while the ship is near completion and Mr. Farmer already has a launch date. This didn't suit me so well, how the fuck did he get that huge rocket in his barn? But hey, thats not what this film is about. It's about following your dreams and this over the hill man's dream is to go into space. We never really get to know why Farmer wants to go to the great beyond so badly. We get a few hints of it every now and then but it never really unfolds.

Farmer also has a family, two girls that love the idea that their daddy wants to go to space and his wife who thinks he may be already there. We never really get to know the family either. The polish brothers give us this really cool sounding concept and throws the audience in the middle of it. I was digging it, i really was but the lack of character just brings the film back down to earth.

We do have some great scenes that makes you feel like this ridiculous film can actually exist but they come every once in a while. The pacing of the film is a bit way too fast, doesn't let the viewer get to know these people at all. Some people may be reminded of "Forest Gump" but this is its own little film. Remember The challenger? Yeah, the spaceship that exploded. Well this film is like that. It sucks that it exploded but it's interesting to look at. I mildly liked this film.

Grade B-

Citizen Able

Able Edwards (Graham Robertson,2004)


Able Edwards is the first film to be shot entirely on green screen. It's in the Guinness books of records, the real deal. This film being executive produced by Mr. Soderbergh and directed by first time filmmaker Graham Robertson left me kind of interested. I'm always up for an interesting sounding film that is about to break ground in the cinema world so this one had my name all over it.

The plot is like Citizen Kane but instead of a newspaper mogul we get someone that is reminiscent of Walt Disney. Did i mention that it takes place in the future and they have to clone this guy? Yeah, this movie's plot is awesome. The biggest weakness is the execution of the film. The filmmakers seem to be more on the lets just make the first film entirely on green screen then making a decent film.

The character's never really get to take off except for Able but then again he is the main one to look at. Everyone else is simply telling his story just like in Citizen Kane. It's very interesting to watch Able because he's a nice guy but also an asshole at the same time. It's interesting but not rounded out.

The budget was i believe under one million dollars but i could be wrong. The look of the film is dated but a kind of cool dated unlike when you see some CGI from a long time ago. We know this film isn't going to be spectacular with the spaceships and they don't quite have that retro feel but yet it doesn't look retarded.

Able Edwards has such a great premise to it that you can't help but make up the film that you wish to see. The filmmakers just didn't know what they had going for them. They were to caught up in being the first green screen movie then actually trying to make a good film first.

Grade C