The Closest Shave You'll Ever Get

Wow.

I will have my write up tomorrow in the morning for this film but seriously, just WOW. Amazing, amazing, amazing. I may now have a new favorite Burton film. I'll have to watch Ed Wood once more to have a final thought but seriously, just WOW.

Can't get better then this.

I hope i am not the only person that is just looking over The Dark Knight cast list and is just floored. I seriously can't believe that cast. Just amazing. Amazing + Badass = The Dark Knight cast. Seriously just take a look at that cast. Can't wait.

Also saw the Joker 6 minutes in Imax which can well be defined as William Fichtner and Heath Ledger fucking shit up for 6 minutes. Watching the Fichtner/Ledger fucking shit up for 6 minutes in Imax also means i saw "I Am Legend". I will have a write up for that film tomorrow. All i can say is that i did not expect what i saw. Does this mean i liked the film? Hated the film? Thought i was alright, kinda tight? Hmm...find out tomorrow...if you dare.

There Will Be Bud

Yes, my friends I just did that. I put Bud instead of Blood for the upcoming Paul Thomas Anderson film. All in great fun i must say. This is the "I gotta get really blazed and watch this film" List. Let's start off shall we? The premise is simple, get high and watch these movies when they come out. This list will show the top contenders to the upcoming films which will be hilarious and/or awesome to see stoned. So everyone, grab your bong and laugh along.

5. Jumper

The film in which Hayden Christensen teleporting and kicking ass while...teleporting. This is going to be hilarious. How you can not laugh at the fact that Samuel L Jackson needs to rope up Hayden with some teleport restricting device just so he can calm the fuck down and stay in place. Then he befriends Jaime Bell and they just teleport to Egypt and kick it on a sphinx. This shit is going to be hilarious.



4. Cloverfield

This is where the 3 M's come into play. Monster Movie Marijuana. Having weed while watching a monster movie is the perfect time to be stoned. A huge creature fucking shit up for a good hour and a half and you aren't high? Why the hell are you watching a monster movie then? This is also going to be a great experience because i believe the hand held camera will greatly heighten the effect. It'll make it feel real and just awesome.



3. Alvin and the chipmunks

You know damn well this is going to be hilariously stupid. Alvin and the chipmunks singing Funky Town. I'll be first in line and also ALVIN EATS THEODORE'S SHIT!



2. Rambo

John Rambo just blew someone up with a machine gun. How is that possible? Do you really care? This film is going to be AMAZING. I really truly believe that. It's going to be absolutely great. This is also my most anticipated film right now. Even more so then There Will Be Blood and Sweeney Todd. You might be thinking to yourself then why isn't this your number one on the "THERE WILL BE BUD" list. Well my friends...just scroll down and see what Number 1 is.



1. The Water Horse: Legend of the deep

Just watch the trailer. Trust me. This will be the best film to watch stoned.

THE BEST FILM EVER MADE.

This is the trailer to the best film ever made which means this is the best trailer ever made.



If you would turn to your webster's dictionary and look up "Badass", you would see that trailer there. This films is AMAZING. It makes no fucken sense. So many people get caught on fire, people get shot and fall off of cliffs and guess what? It's about the lost city of ATLANTIS. Best Movie Ever.

Grade- A+ (I tried to find the symbol of infinity but i couldn't find it...damn you wingdings!)

What's Up Fatlip?

Fatlip is arguably the most underrated rapper of all time. The lyrics that this man spits are very heartfelt and realistic. He doesn't paint a picture of himself being a thug and shooting up people, he tells us that he wishes he was that people so he can rap about those things. Fatlip's writing technique is filled with honesty, he doesn't have the ability to create a story so he gives us the truth which is a hundred times more effect in lyrical terms.

Every song on the album "The Loneliest Punk" is a personal view into what he has been doing since the break up of the classic hip hop group "The Pharcyde". The line "I could have been a legend like Big or Pac/but i got a bad case of writers block" is one of the most saddest lyrics in music. It's truthful because this man has the talent like the legends Tupac and Biggie but in a different way. Tupac and Biggie created, Biggie never got into huge gun shoot outs like his songs depict. He would create in which people thought would be the image of the normal hip hop artist.



What Fatlip gives us is the bare bone essentials and that is all we need. A truthful artist that speaks his mind and isn't afraid to let anything out. The Loneliest Punk is one of the most personal albums you will ever listen to. It's sad, humorous and very moving at times. I didn't mention any track titles because all of them are just amazing. Some might find that the album may have a to many "skits" but it's a deeper look into Fatlip. Those skits are answering machine messages of Fatlip calling his producers and managers while he would think of a new idea for the album. We get to hear Fatlip at his lowest and creatively highest while he personally plays a beat with his mouth, its just very beautiful. He get to hear the excitement in his voice as he manipulates his voice to sound like a bass and drums. This is Hip Hop at it's greatest.

The Loneliest Punk - A+



(Yes, that was the voice of Spike Jonze at the beginning of that video because he directed it. He also made a short documentary called "What's up Fatlip?" which is an amazing documentary.)

Two Layers of Cake.

Cake is one of the best bands out right now. They don't get as much credit as they truly deserve. A band that has such a great range from Jazz, hip hop to rock and with a dash of funk all while being driven by John McCrea's amazingly mono tone voice in which threads all the music genres together. They have had a few hits every now and then, most notably "Short Skirt, Long Jacket" and "The Distance".

I've always been a fan of their work but never really listened to a complete album all the way through. I decided to pick up "Fashion Nugget" (1996) and "Pressure Chief" (2004), both albums vastly different. Sadly to say, one being completely amazing and the other horrible.



Fashion Nugget is filled with amazing music, fun and somewhat poetic lyrics. The album starts off with the an amazing track "Frank Sinatra" which gives the rest of the album the perfect feel. It's fun, smart and filled with great music. Then we have what could be Cake's masterpiece entitled "The Distance". A song about a man driving towards the finish which has been already crossed but yet he is determined to finish. It can also be about a man who has lost his significant other and is wanting her back even though she has already gone on with her life.

Cake has a fascination with cars, every album uses them as metaphors that can trick the listener into thinking the song is a joke or can pull something deep from within and make the track completely personal. Fashion Nugget uses the vehicle metaphor to it's advantage and uses it only when is needed. On the other hand Pressure Chief uses the motor metaphor until it runs out of gas and dies.



The problem with Pressure Chief is that the music doesn't give the listener the opportunity to pick which way he or she wants to listen to the album. It can't be taken in a serious or fun way because the music isn't up to par. Ofcourse they have a few exceptions with the a great rendition of Bread's classic ballad "The Guitar man". Other then that the album falls flat. To many car references, every other song uses it and it gets tiresome.

Another problem with Pressure Chief is that John McCrea attempts to sing. His singing voice isn't bad but it's his powerful one note voice that made so many people fall in love with this band. His voice doesn't stand out as much and is lost between the notes of the music that he is trying to hit. That being said, Pressure Chief is their latest effort and i hope to death that John goes back to his mono tone voice. It's very commanding and like the music gives you the choice of which way you want to listen, fun or personal.

Fashion Nugget- A
Pressure Chief- D+

Delicious Vinyl

If you know Fatlip then you know where my title is from. I will start doing write ups for music now since i have been listening to alot of complete albums lately. These are some that I have listened to.

Cake- Pressure Chief
Cake- Fashion Nugget
Jay Z- The Black Album
Fatlip - The loneliest Punk
Miles Davis - Bitches Brew
Arctic Monkeys - Favorite Worst Nightmare
Bjork - Volta
Wu-Tang Clan - 8 Diagrams

About two of the albums i have listed above are just me doubling back on them. I have already listened to them but i would just like to put my two cents in.

Oh, I'll write them up before the weekend is finished. So nothing just yet. A tease...just a tease...for now. I suppose i can leave you with this.




If you don't love Rowan Atkinson, I don't believe we need to be friends.

(I'm sure this is the first post in history that started off with a picture of Ol' Dirty Bastard and ended with Rowan Atkinson playing invisible drums. Saw it here first)

No Country like this Country.

I just came back from what might be the best film of the year and is definitely one of the best I've seen in a long time. I'm not going to give a write up on this film because i think it's impossible to accurately describe what this film is truly about. I've read many and none prepared me for what i witnessed.

I was lucky to see this at a theater that was hardly full. Many empty seats, the coldness of the theater gave this film a wonderful loose lonely atmosphere like how the wide open deserts in which Josh Brolin is hunting gave an effect for the film. The quiet noises, no sounds, the film literally only has two or three scenes of music. Two which include the now infamous "coin scenes" and one is a piece of music coming from a car which only leads to a bad sign of things to come. The music is never prominent in the film, it hides under the breathing of Javier Bardem's character "Anton Chigurh", under the quiet mellow voice of Tommy Lee Jones' Narration. Everything is quiet until when things no longer need to be quiet.

My eyes glued to the screen as this magnificent story unfolds. The Coen brother's giving you enough slack to hold onto, then before you know it, everything changes as the scene ends. It's a wonderful piece that is filled with intelligent characters, no matter how crazy some are. Amazing dialogue, wonderful performances where its hard for someone to stand out because everyone is so damn good. It's simple for someone to point out Javier's work which is astonishing but it's because he is a psychotic mad man that kills people with air. The Smaller performances work just as well, especially with Woody Harrelson's character which i absolutely loved. How can you possibly bring someone flowers while they are recovering at a hospital and basically tell them that they don't have a chance of living from the heartless insane "Anton Chigurh". Something very surreal and off but that is all attributed to the Coen Brother's style.

It is going to be very hard to top this film. I have never sat in a theater having the cold feeling of someone behind me getting ready to murder me with compressed air. I recommend seeing this in a empty theater so you can experience every little detail in the sound. When things are quiet and the sound is non existent, your brain will do the work for you and create a paranoia that films these day's just don't do anymore. The sound of someone dropping a coin will literally make you jump out of your seat.

I didn't want this to be a write up. I just needed to say something about this amazing, amazing film.

Grade A+

Wet Sponge?...WE ARE DOOMED!

Zero Hour (Hall Bartlett, 1957)


Hilariously bad. This is going to be very brief because i don't want to talk shit about this film because i absolutely loved it. Let me give you the rundown.

(For the ill educated, this is what "Airplane!" parodies.)

Fighter pilot crash lands only to discover that his fellow pilots are dead.

Fighter pilot is now traumatized from flying.

10 years later, his wife is sick of him and decides to take his son on a plane to get away from him.

Fighter Pilot goes on plane to get them back.

Bad Fish.

Ugh...my stomach hurts.

WET SPONGE?!

I'm going to buy you a drink and shake your hand.

Grade-AWESOME (real grade C-)

So call me a liar.

I suppose i lied. Hopefully this sets the mood right.




Will you forgive me for not putting up those reviews?

How can you say No to bearforce1?

This would go well with some bangers and mash

Radiohead's In Rainbows Disc 2 is just magnificent. Some of the best work Radiohead has ever put out is located on it. Last flowers and Down is the new up just left me speechless.

Tomorrow I'll have some write ups on films that I've been watching and ALSO I'll be doing write ups on some music that I've been listening to. So drop by tomorrow so you can agree or disagree with my opinions. It's the beauty of a blog. Internet shit talk.


Hmm...Internet Shit talk, sounds like a rather good band name.

I need a drummer.