This is one deadly Cobra

Cobra (George P. Cosmatos,1986)


Sylvester Stallone, a cult of serial killers, a sidekick named Gonzalez. This is one amazing film. Lieutenant Marion 'Cobra' Cobretti (Stallone) is on the hunt to track down the insane criminals that are committing random acts of violence. Cobra then meets up with a witness who quickly becomes the new target of the mass murderers. He has to take her to a safe house and make sure she gets out alive because she is the only person who has gotten a glimpse of who might be running this "cult" of criminals.

The film sounds like a throw away plot and it actually is but what this film contains is just a truly great action film that also ventures into a bit of horror. Stallone was also the writer of this film and you can tell he loved writing every single second of it. He knew he was writing an all out action film but knew that he can also throw in some character for Marion Cobretti which is a relief to most of the action films coming out around this time. Cobretti isn't a bad ass at all, he made himself out to be a bad ass. His birth name is "Marion" and he thought it wasn't manly enough so he changed it to "Cobra". It's just great to see a character that seems real while still blowing things up, setting people on fire and shooting women. Cobretti is awkward with women and tells horrible jokes. He is a cop with a heart that cares for the people he's protecting but to bad because that heart is laced with barbed wire. One false move and this man will kill you five times over.

The film is non stop action from beginning to end. It has an amazing car chase at the mid point of the film. A great all out attack scene schemed out by the cult on Cobra, the witness and his partner Gonzalez. A climax that will leave you shocked from how much action you just received in the amount of time and a line about Gummy Bears.

I've always been a Stallone fan, I'll watch anything he's in. I grew up with this guy, i even own "Eye see you". Come on, how many of you can actually say you even heard about that movie. Stallone does a great job with this character and the action scenes are amazing like I've said before.

I'm going to have to go out and actually say this is my favorite Stallone film. For me it beats out Rambo, i can see why people would favor Rambo over Cobra but for me this is just a better film. People would be turned off by this film because of the "cheesy" soundtrack and type of wardrobe some of the characters have while Rambo is all decked out in camouflage and has a score instead of songs with that would also fit on the "Flashdance" soundtrack. Please don't let that take away from the film, it's actually really cool to see that preserved in a film like this.

Grade A

Paul Naschy doing it VooDoo Style

Vengeance of the Zombies (Leon Klimovsky,1972)


Paul Naschy, I officially love you. In this magnificent film we get Paul Naschy as three characters, Krisna, Kantaka and a Demon. All of which he does an amazing job. Just to give you an idea what your in for, we have someone on the loose raising the dead with the help of his Voodoo powers. Yes, we got screams, chills and lots of blood.

Mr.Naschy is quickly becoming one of my favorite horror actors. He is the perfect fit for horror, someone that takes his acting seriously while it still looks like he is having fun. He is the Hispanic version of Vincent Price. This man literally gives life to his projects. Every frame that he's in he is always commanding the scene. It's just wonderful to see an actor so dedicated to his craft no matter how insane some plots are. Without Naschy these would just be good films but he makes them great.


This is my second film starring Paul Naschy and i have another one right here next to me. I simply can't wait to see what else this guy has. One thing that i mentioned before in my write up of the first Naschy film that i saw "The night of the werewolf", is that he has the best credit sequences. This film is no exception, it has probably my favorite end credit sequence of all time. Great music going to all these images, a funky bass line that drives all of them. Just tons of fun from beginning to end and a few creep outs here and there.

One last thing about this film, my friend warned me about films that contain actual animal cruelty. This film has a chicken getting it's head cut off. I read about it at some message boards about this film and i thought i was going to be disgusted when i would see it. Well when it came around i just brushed it off. I don't think I've ever been offended by anything or disgusted so it didn't phase me. The way i see it is if they eat the chicken after production wraps, it's all gravy. So if you get offended by that kind of thing just fast forward it. An animal being killed shouldn't stop you from watching a damn good film.

Grade A-

Great Day

Today was just a blast. Really calming day, nothing bad happened just an all around great day. Two of the main highlights of the day were the hilarious "Knocked Up" that i finally checked out and the other one i'll get to in a bit.

Knocked up is just one of those films that leaves you talking about how funny it was hours after leaving the theater, even days. The characters are so loveable and seem so damn real it's insane. I feel like these guys are my friends and i can talk to them. Not to many films these days can do that especially to a group of people like film lovers and film buffs. We get all the cinema in jokes, we get all the obscure music references. It's just wonderful to be a apart of that. Also another thing is that the regular movie going audience can love it also. The jokes are just perfect for any type of audience. A great comedy. Loved every second of it.

Now, for the second thing that just really made my day. Well it looks like i got myself a coffee maker. Not just a regular one, a Mr. Coffee Maker. Talk about making the perfect blend of coffee in the morning. Such an amazing feeling to just make yourself a cup instead of going out somewhere and wasting tons of money. I love Mr. Coffee. He treats me right. He is the fucken shit.

Here is a picture of My Mr. Coffee Maker.


Mr. Coffee is pretty bad ass and if that picture didn't make you think the same well feast your eyes on how Bad ass Mr. Coffee is now.


Yes, that is a picture of Mr. Coffee with "Hard Times" and "Roadhouse". So, now do you think Mr. coffee is one bad ass dude? I do.

Mr. Coffee Grade-A++

Steven Seagal vs William Forsythe

Out for Justice (John Flynne,1991)



Out for justice is a great name but Steven Seagal vs William Forsythe would have been better. That is basically the film and trust me, it's amazing. This is also a John Flynn film and also is what most people say is Seagal's best performance. I would have to agree, i was raised on Seagal. My dad being one of the biggest Seagal fans ever, honest to god. I know i have seen this film before but i just didn't remember it.


Forsythe is the biggest drug addict you've ever seen and his come downs consist of kicking ass. He kills anyone, dads in front of there kids, people driving by, anyone. This guy literally walks down the street and just starts shooting just because he's bad ass. This is one of the best villains in history. He also looks Hitler but a fat version and less gay. So, who comes to our call for help? Steven Seagal, the only person that can take care of a drug loving trigger happy Hitler look alike. I forgot how much i used to love this guy's movies when i was younger.

Seagal's acting ranges from good guy that breaks the rules to good guy that shoots people's legs off. There is no time for character in a Steven Seagal movie. We get a cop that has to deal with something. That's it and that's all i need to have a fun time. I lost myself in this film, i honestly did. There is no character, no original story just great action scenes. I absolutely loved this film, everything from Forsythe hitting the pipe to a montage of Steven Seagal and his puppy set to Beastie boys music. Turn your brain off and have a good time.

Grade A-

Please release this on DVD

Defiance (John Flynn,1980)


Defiance is a film that deserves to be on DVD. It was made in 1980 from Director John Flynn. The film has a good cast that is just having a blast acting in this film. Jan Michael Vincent is amazing as the new guy in town with his one million dollar smile and deadly fists. Danny Aiello was hilarious and awkward as an old guy that wants to take his town back from the Souls which are a group of thugs. The leader of the Souls is Angel Cruz played by Rudy Ramos who does a great job as well. It's hard to pull off a gangster that looks like prince but he does it.

On top of the surface this is just a slow building action movie. There is hardly any ass kicking in the beginning, it slowly builds to a damn good climax that takes place between new work apartments. When really paying attention to this film we get something fresh, we get characters that are suppose to be a great hero and a hardcore villain yet they aren't. They are absolutely afraid of each other. Jan Michael Vincent's character "Tommy" doesn't want to go head up with "Angel Cruz". This isn't Tommy's town and he doesn't want to have apart of it. Angel Cruz is also a very weak thug, we see this in a scene with an older man that goes to receive money from the gang leader. The old man begins to tell him that he could have actually done something with his life but yet he wasted it. Angel Cruz then takes a deep breath and gets a bit frightened of the words that the old man said. It's really subtle but wonderful when you catch it.

I had tons of fun with this film, the jokes hold up perfectly and the chemistry between the actors seem real no matter how far fetched there wardrobe is. Who would have thought that Jerry Bruckheimer could do something this good? Yeah, he produced it...i was also shocked.

The last thing i want to say about this film is that it has the greatest character of all time. The character is "Whacko" played by Lenny Montana. Whacko is a champion boxer turned retard. Best Character Ever.

Grade B+

Scarface

The other day, i had my first viewing of "Scarface" by Howard Hawks. I'm not going into detail with this one because it's a classic and there is so much stuff written about it. I absolutely loved the film. Paul Muni was amazing and great directing by Mr.Hawks. Just a classic in every sense of the word. I will say one thing though, I'll have "The Public Enemy" over any gangster film any day.

...Wow...

Deep Red (Dario Argento,1975)



I didn't know what this film was about. I saw "Dario Argento" and i thought to myself, well I'm getting into fulci so i might as well check out Argento. Deep Red is considered masterpiece by many people and everyone who has seen it love it. I had no idea that this film had a following, i just thought the cover looked pretty cool and it was directed by Argento. Was i glad to buy this film.

A jazz pianist witnesses a murder and is going to get to the bottom of it. That's the basic premise but the way Argento went with it is just great. This could have been a simple slasher/thriller type of film but instead we get a well rounded film with actual characters. We don't wait to see them die or want the "cool" guy to live. We want all these people to end up out of this alright because they are normal people. There is no loser chick, Smart detective, Suave dude, we get real people in a real situation.


The music is absolutely fantastic and is provided by "The Goblins" from which most of you know from "Dawn of the dead" which they also did music for. One thing that i can't stress enough is the amazing direction in this film. Everything from the actors to the camera work. Especially the camera work, it's just amazing and something that we haven't seen in a long long time. If you want to be surprised then watch Deep Red. It's just amazing.

It might seem like im just giving all these crazy grindhouse 70's horror films all "A+'s" but after you see them, you'll know why.

Grade A+

Not for Everyone.

The Holy Mountain (Alejandro Jodorowsky,1973)


This film is not for everyone. You have to have an open mind for this kind of film. There is no plot unless you really think about it. To some people it will be a series of beautiful disturbing images and to others it will...well, be a series of beautiful disturbing images but with a meaning. I like films like these, i don't love them but i find them extremely interesting. As for this film, Alejandro Jodorowsky's "The holy Mountain", i couldn't have prepared myself for what i would be watching. There is no way that you even guess what's coming next.

I really want to try to stay off the topic of what kind of scenes are actually in this film because this is a film that should be talked about. You can't really write anything for this. Either you find it interesting and profound or you found it a waste of time.


Throughout the whole film i seemed to be going back and fourth between rather i believed this was art or just a director hopped up on LSD, which he was by the way.T he film also seems to contradict itself and if you break it down, everything is clear in the last scene. The thing that really took me back and i mean this in a good way is that Alejandro comes out and tells the audience what the meaning of the scenes happen to be. A voice over begins to guide you through the middle portion of the film and is then lost and never to be heard from again.

I recommend this to any film buff. A kind of a bravery test just to see what you think about it. I would love to hear feedback on what anyone thinks. It's a very interesting film and beautifully shot. As for myself, i had my problems with it at the beginning but after the first portion we are treated to some very classic scenes. Watch out for the infamous "Glass eye Scene" which is probably the one and only beautifully disturbing scene in cinema.

Grade B+

I was quiet about this film...

"The Gates of Hell" A.K.A "City of the Living Dead" (Lucio Fulci,1980)


I saw this film about two weeks ago and I haven't really said anything about it to the people i talk films with. I have two reasons for why i did that, the first one is that i didn't want to say what i thought and let people check it out for themselves and the other is that this film scared the living shit out of me. I have never been so scared of a flick in my entire life. City of the Living Dead literally made me feel like i was watching this with some friends when i was 9 years old. The kind of film that your parents would put on the top shelf just so you can't reach it. It's that terrifying.

A zombie film where the gates of hell are open due to a priest that committed suicide. The small group of people that are affected by this happen to be a woman that is into dark rituals, a journalist and a man that is caught up in the middle of it. This group of people have to find the grave site of the priest before midnight on "All Saint's Day" or else the gates of hell will remain open and the world will be run by the living dead. Please tell me that's not the best plot idea you've ever heard.

The film holds up so well, hence why i was so horrified by it. The gore is amazing and so is the suspense. While you feel someone is about to meet there doom, you can't help but put your hands in front of your face. This is also the best directed film I've seen in the horror genre. First Lizard in a Woman's skin, now this? I can't wait to see what else Fulci has. I also have seen two of his other films, Zombie and The Beyond. Zombie is good and The Beyond is amazing but this film surpasses both of them. I won't compare this film to Lizard because it's not the same genre. City just left me speechless.

Most people claim that The Exorcist or Halloween are the scariest films ever made. They are amazing horror films but both of them lack at least one of the three things that make a horror film truly great, Terrifying Horror, Fun Horror and Gross Horror. Those are the three ingredients to make a perfect horror film. The Exorcist doesn't have the Fun but yet it really doesn't need it. As for Halloween, it doesn't really have any big Gross out scenes but also both of those films happen to get laughed at by today's audiences. As much as i love both of those films they are a bit out dated especially The Exorcist. Now for City of the Living Dead, all those ingredients are there in clear sight and Fulci just makes you gobble it down to the bare bone.

One other thing that i simply loved about this film is the ending. It has a very ambiguous closing that leaves you thinking that maybe everything isn't alright. The film itself starts and ends with a scream while we are screaming throughout the whole thing. This is by all means a masterpiece and the best horror film i have ever seen.

Grade A+

"He penetrated her vaginally and anally"

Tightrope (Richard Tuggle,1984)


Clint Eastwood sleeping with dogs, getting blowjobs from prostitutes and having to track down a serial killer that likes to wear oriental themed masks and commits murders in his Puma Sneakers. Yes, this film has it all and surprisingly it's really good. Tightrope is a film that seems like a bizarre throwback to cop flicks and film noirs but still feels like it's in it's own little world.

The set up is simple, Wes Block (Clint Eastwood) has to track down who's been killing prostitutes in his neighborhood. A very simple premise that has been done a million times before. The only thing that makes this film different is that it is driven by character. It's not just a normal guy out on the lookout for a killer. The protagonist and the antagonist actually have the same characteristics. Both Wes Block and the mysterious killer are fueled by sex. The character that we're suppose to feel safe with even makes us sick, a divorce cop that has two children and goes out to have sex with prostitutes. Something that hasn't been done in this genre before and it's actually refreshing. We get to see this character change from the beginning of the film to the end and it's amazing even with all the weird off beat things that are going on.

I had no idea what i was in store when i started watching this film. I was actually going to see "Escape from Alcatraz" (another Eastwood film) but this one caught my eye. I'm not really sure why it did but i just picked this one up instead. I'm really glad to have chosen this one also because this seems to be a very under appreciated film. Everyone seemed to be all hopped up on Dirty Harry to give this one a chance. The Dirty Harry films are great fun but the character is pretty one sided, just a bad ass with a gun. Very few films actually have the brains to do something like this and with the insane context of the film, it shouldn't work at all but yet it does.

On a side note, the heading of this little write up is actually in the film. Yes, this film is pretty awesome.

Grade A-

Cocky Ass Mother Fucker at it again.

Hostel 2 (Eli Roth, 2007)


First off, let me start by saying i loved cabin fever and really liked Hostel. When Roth first came on the scene with cabin fever he seemed like a cool humble guy then he started getting cocky which really doesn't bother me. Assholes can be cool too, like Vincent Gallo or Bill Murray at times. Now for the second installment in the "Hostel" franchise we get what it suppose to be Eli Roth's new masterpiece which is obviously self proclaimed. Roth has talent, he really does but i just have to say the self proclaimed genius finally caught up with him. I didn't mean that in a good way, this film is not a success by any means and it's not a total piece of shit.


We get a new set of characters after a 10 minute intro with jay Hernandez from the previous film and we follow this new group throughout the film. The film then splits into two stories. A group of girls that are just visiting the area and two guys that are there to kill. The story of the girls is the same bullshit over again, people we don't care about getting into bad situations that they don't deserve. The other group is where I applaud Roth in what he was trying to do. One of the men wants to kill someone really badly because he thinks it will change his life and his friend is a bit afraid of what might happen to him when he does kill. Wow, Eli put a little character in them, a change that he should start using from now on.


The rest of the film is actually rather boring, you can tell he is trying to concentrate on characters but they aren't fleshed out enough, honest to god i wasn't trying to make a pun with that. Only a hand full of people are killed and they aren't in such cool ways. The death's aren't memorable or scary for that matter. They just come and go, they won't be in a classic death thread on some website anytime soon. Well, maybe because there are people out there who actually thinks this kind of crap is cool.

Eli really did have something going with the story line of the two male friends but then he just fucks it up towards the end. If your looking for blood and guts, this isn't your film because there is hardly anything in it. The only big ups i would have to give to Mr. Cocky ass Mother fucker Roth is that he used luc Merenda (gambling city) in one of the most coolest scenes in recent horror films. It's the opening scene with Jay Hernandez and what made me love it so much is that it's very cliched and just a fun little scene. After Merenda gets off screen, the whole thing begins to drag to its shallow grave of the glory that is Eli Roth. Three films and you think your a genius and leading horror into new territory? Your no horror legend, Mr. Roth. You still have time to prove yourself though.

Grade C

Original in every sense of the word

Lizard in a woman's skin (Lucio fulci, 1971)


The basic plot line for this film is about a woman being accused of murdering someone after dreaming it. It's the whole did she do it type of film. That may turn a few people off from this film but trust me, you have never seen anything like this. Hands down one of the most original films i have ever seen. I can't even put this masterpiece into a category, it's considered a giallo and that's understandable but there's something about this movie that separates it from that. Most people would agree that this is also the best giallo film ever made and they also are not sure why it's classified under that term.

The direction of this film is beautifully insane. Lucio Fulci made sure that his camera was a character in the film, taking the audience for a ride that no one is sure where it will end up. The film is very artistic and surreal due to the dream states and drugs taken by the characters. The shots are great, the camera is everywhere. The characters are as lost as we are and it's wonderful.

This is a film that i want to recommend to everyone but i know that some people will be caught off guard by it. Just let this film over take you and enjoy it. This is something that shouldn't be missed by any fan of the Grindhouse genre even though it's not really grindhouse, well kind of.

Grade A+

Night of the living dead in color

Let sleeping corpses lie (Jorge Grau,1974)

The title sounds like it would be a bad thing, well it's not. This is one great zombie film from beginning to end. It's your normal zombie, dead come to life and people die. The filmmakers behind this film saw night of the living dead and fell in love with it. They decided to have a go at a zombie flick and this is what came out. It's nothing like night of the living dead except for a few themes but this film stands alone. It's nearly as great as the Romero films. The only thing that sets this film apart from George's films are that his zombie films have a brain and don't just eat them. Not saying that this isn't a smart film, it just doesn't feel like it has any social commentary behind it.

The Characters feel real and not like someone that they just threw in there just to see the undead rip them limb from limb. One of the greatest things about this film is that it's not an infestation zombie flick like most of the ones that we see. It's really hard to have a film with just several zombies and have it work. The undead are slow and stupid but yet the tension builds high in every scene in Let sleeping corpses lie.

I have to give it up to Jorge Grau, the director of this film. The film is very atmospheric and keeps you watching. This film isn't about the cool zombie eating mayhem, it's about anticipating it. One of the few zombie films that i can literally call Great. I loved it and i know any other undead fan will also.

Grade A-

Underworld with Class

The night of the werewolf (Jacinto Molina AKA Paul Naschy,1980)

Where to begin, this is my first paul naschy film. Mr.Naschy is famous for two things, he's a legend in the horror business and he has the best opening title sequences ever. This film could have been a simple vampire/werewolf right film but it isn't. It's actually a more romantic film between paul naschy's character the werewolf and an unsuspecting woman. It completely goes from there with romance and violence that never stops.

The film has surprisingly great cinematography which gives the film its richness and just adds to what's happening on screen. Long takes of werewolf rampage and beautiful camera movement that swerves in and out of the castle where the film takes place. Just a beautiful looking film with good editing and great effects for its time.

As for people that want blood and guts, this isn't your film. I went into thinking that this was going to be all out gore and instead i actually god a film with a brain. It's simple but the characters seem real in the world that they take place in and its great fun to see Paul Naschy go all out on screen.

One thing i would like to add is that this film has the best title sequence of all time. It's a still frame of Naschy in an iron mask while the blood red titles appear over one of the best Bass driven songs i have ever heard. After you hear the music you just get hyped up and have no idea what is in store. A pleasant surprise and i think I'm in for some more because i have another naschy film next to me right now. Vengeance of the Zombies, how can this possibly go wrong?

Grade B+

Sorry

i havent posted for a while because i've been watching films non stop so expect atleast 10 new write ups on some films ranging from "Lady in alizards skin" to "The hawk is dying". I was also going to write about a film called "Grizzly" but ramses took the words right out of my mouth. *pounds it* Stay tuned,gangstas.